don’t worry, be happy-ish

I worry that I’m not a good parent.  I worry that I’m too selfish to be a good parent.  I worry that I’ve made too many mistakes to be a good parent.

I worry that I try too hard.  I worry that I don’t try hard enough.  I worry that I let my son play too much Minecraft and then I worry that I nap too much when he plays too much Minecraft.  I worry when my son gets a “D” on his math test and then I worry when I can’t figure out why he got a “D” on his math test.  I worry that there are not enough hugs, not enough I love yous.  I worry that there is enough criticism, enough nagging.

I worry that I won’t be enough.  I worry that I’ll be too much.

I worry I’ll never be as good a father as my husband.  I’m jealous of his patience and his kindness and his ability to remain calm always.  I worry my kids will prefer him to me; or worse, they will prefer me to him.  I worry I don’t love him as much as he loves me.  I worry he will get a better offer.

I worry that I’m turning 40 in six days.  I worry what that means.  I worry that I won’t have the energy to keep up with a five year-old and a nine year-old.  I worry that my kids will think I’m old.  I worry that I am old.

I worry that I worry too much and I worry that all this worrying means I’m missing out on moments I can never get back.  I worry that I won’t know what to do when I stop all the worry.  I worry that I’m not evolved, just neurotic.  So very, very neurotic. 😃

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “don’t worry, be happy-ish

  1. I worry like that too, I just think that if falls on the parent to worry for their children. I have always been a big worry wart and once I had kids it got worse. But it just proves that you love those kids and want the best for them. So many have kids and just don’t appreciate how special and lucky they are. Just love your kids and do your best. No one is perfect and your kids will remember that you were there for them and loved them.

    Like

  2. Take it from someone who used to be an expert: When you worry so much you let the worry steal the present joy from your life. Its easier said than done, but try not to worry so much. You are doing just fine. Life doesn’t come with a blueprint. –Maybe by the time you reach 50 you will relax a little and understand that your worrying will have never changed a thing. Love ya, Sean! 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s