two faggots gave you a home

The Supreme Court is about to decide if I can be fired from my job for being gay. Well, not me specifically, but people like me. A lot of people like me. Call me a cynic, but I don’t have high hopes for this one. I may be able to get married and have children, but there are still quite a few people in the land of the free/home of the brave who think I should just be happy with what I have and stop demanding special privileges.

Ah yes, the special privilege of being gay.

The special privilege of being gay means that I could not get legally married until 2015. The special privilege of being gay means that I live in a country where the current Vice President of the United States once advocated for the legal discrimination of LGBT persons calling their lifestyle a “choice”, and as the then-governor of Indiana he sought to give public money to institutions that would help gay people change their sexual behavior. And if that seems too 1996 for you then I have five words for you: Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

So. Much. Privilege.

And while all of the above does affect me, it is still somewhat removed from my everyday life. The final decision made by the Supreme Court will cement certain ideas for millions of Americans. If the highest court in the land decrees that LGBT persons are in fact second-class citizens then maybe a whole lot of people can stop pretending.

No wedding cakes. No wedding. No job. No marriage. No kids. And yet even those potential realities are so big picture because for me, right now, it comes down to this word: FAGGOT.

Faggot.

It is the go-to word of every schoolyard bully and closeted muscle jock in America. It is the gay N-word. We all know what it means and we all know what is being implied when someone says it, and if you’re unsure I can tell you what it does NOT mean…it does not mean “person who has the courage to be true to themselves despite the risk of being fired from their job or ostracized by society or murdered, all for the crime of loving who they love.”

Yeah, faggot does not mean that.

I was called faggot from the time I was 8 until…well, I’m still being called faggot. #NeverChangeAmerica Let me share a hilarious story with you…recently I confiscated my oldest son’s cell phone (see Nancy Drew) and one of the many disturbing things I discovered amidst the racism and the sexism was the casual manner in which his friends shared anti-gay memes and tossed around the word “faggot”.

Now, I want to be clear that my son was not using this word nor was he sharing these memes, but he was in receipt of them and he did play along with his friends, responding several times with an LOL followed by the I’m-laughing-so-hard-I’m-crying face emoji. Again, he was not using the word, but in his response he had given his approval of the word.

As you can imagine, I did not react well. But in my defense I suspect he would not have reacted well if he had discovered that his Papa and I were exchanging racist memes and calling people the N-word. I tried to explain why this word was a big deal, but there seemed to be an attitude of “it’s just a word and that’s not what they meant”.

Except, it’s not just a word.

“Two faggots gave you a home,” I said in voice that had I been on stage I would have won every major acting award that season. Of course what I wanted to say was, “I’ll put as many dicks in my mouth as I want and you don’t get to say a damn word about it as long as I’m paying for the shoes on your feet.” But that felt more like something I’d say in the film version of this story and in that moment I was imagining myself acting in a play.

I know my son loves me and I know my son loves his Papa and I know he would never want to hurt us. He’s a great kid, seriously, he is just the best and I love him more than I can adequately express, but the reality is to him and to his friends and to millions of Americans it’s just a word. No big deal.

Faggot. Faggot. Faggot.

If/When the Supreme Court decides that I and millions of Americans like me can be legally fired from our jobs for being gay or trans or whatever the court decides is not the “norm”, then those nine justices will be sending a very loud message to every schoolyard bully and Snapchat asshat out there that we are less than. That we are something to be laughed at. That we are nothing more than faggots.


Sean Michael O’Donnell is a 44 year old married gay man. He lives in Pittsburgh with his husband, three sons, and daughter. Sean enjoys Law & Order reruns, Christmas movies in October, and Facebook stalking. He likes donuts and beer. Sometimes he goes to the gym (not really).  He is the author of the best-selling book Which One of You is the Mother?